one year ago

I'm thinking back to one year ago.  I was newly pregnant in my first trimester.  Those three months were awful awful awful.  The nausea was nearly more than I could handle.  Even now, every once in awhile, I'll be in a place (like the freezer section in the downtown Target) where the smell got to me so badly back when I was sick and I can almost feel it all over again.  It's so brief but such a vivid reminder.  I was so sick and so sad because I wanted to move away from here, and oh so tired.  Now that Justus is 4 months old I'm really getting back into my "normal" again.  Whatever normal is I guess.  I didn't have the post-partum crud with Justus either.  I was sad for a period of time after the other three.  This time I was more tired and just generally overwhelmed, but not sad or overly emotional.  I wanted to be by myself a lot and couldn't handle much socialization or even phone calls.  I was kind of numb and generally out of it.  I am emerging from my fog though now.  I'm still tired and feeling very scattered and slightly out of control, but I know that it's not me that's in control anyway and I have to let stuff go.  My head is just more cleared up.  My Bible gets opened at least 3x a week rather than none.  And all of that feels right.