Friday, October 11, 2013

how i love those kids of mine

My love for my kids is so deep.  It's so difficult to understand how God can love them and me infinitely more.  He does.  How is that possible?  How can I get so frustrated and annoyed with them that I want to send them all away for a time so that I can have some time to myself.  I know it's not wrong to have time to myself. When I am away from them for any period of time--an hour to run an errand, a couple of hours with friends, an overnight with my husband--I long to be with them again at the end of my time away. I am deeply thankful that I get to be with my children every day. There are days that I resent it and want something different.  Every decision I make is for their well being--what they will eat, who they will play with, how long I will be gone, how they will be educated, what we will do for fun, what our family times will consist of, how we will structure our time, what books we will read together, what activities will they be involved in. That to me is daunting.  Some days I can hardly make decisions.  I don't know what you can have for breakfast.  I can't think.  Figure it out yourself.  Some days I feel like that.  You ask me if you want a piece of gum and I don't know how to answer that.  It is so completely ridiculous.  Making decisions 24 hours a day concerning my children is wearing.  I am tired.  I want to go to sleep.  I want to go on vacation first.  Without them.  Then I can clear my head, make 1 million less decisions, and then miss them like crazy.  I am thankful that I can love and obsess over them as much as I do.  It is a good reminder that I am loved and obsessed over by my heavenly Father.

1 comment:

Melanie said...

Thanks for your honesty! I don't think there's a parent out here who doesn't need a break now and then. It's good to remember that even our perfect example, Jesus, took time away to pray, refresh himself, and take a break before heading back into the throngs of ministry. I pray that God Himself would refresh you, give you peace, and guide you as you keep making those little detailed decisions for your kiddos. I am just certain you are a blessing to them and to Steve! Love you!