I was thankful I was able to attend Grandma Stutzman's funeral. I didn't realize the impact it would have on me upon going to it.
The service on Wednesday helped open my eyes to my rich heritage. I believe I have spent my entire life taking my upbringing for granted. I'm almost embarrassed to admit it, but alas, it's probably healthy to admit such crises.
I had prayed in the new year asking God to open my eyes in the year to come of my blessings and feel more thankful. My ungratefulness and apathy and general "blah" in life was beginning to scare me. He helped to answer it on Wednesday. I went to Grandma's funeral, sad for the loss.....and came away feeling immensely grateful to MY GOD for placing me in just the right family with all just the right people and incredibly thankful for the legacy of her faith.
How was I specifically impacted?
My eyes were opened to the realness of heaven. She's there. Every sorrow and hurt and pain is gone. Forever. As my Grandma Roth said at the service "I miss her, but wouldn't wish her back." This is so true. Grandma longed for heaven for so long after many griefs and losses has finally gained it. I learned that through her sorrows, her Bible was well worn and her faith didn't waiver. That is a testimony and an example to me. I want to be like that.
My eyes were opened to the love of my family. I love all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins and though the miles are wide and the times together aren't as often as before, we have a good connection. I always feel the love after a gathering. Love and support in an extended family IS a gift.
My eyes were opened to some memories of her. I lived next to Grandma in my growing up years. My memories are fuzzy because of the time that has passed since then, but I nonetheless, have some very vivid ones from years ago. I remember running down the road to their house to show off my very first perm. Grandma just chuckled and Grandpa made a comment about me sticking my finger in a light socket. I also remember Grandma having a slumber party for me and Nicki and Jenessa. She made us cupcakes and gave us grief when we were pooped out by 9:00 and wanted to go to bed. A more recent memory is seeing her at Church carrying around 9 month old Jeneva. She was showing her off to all of her friends. Of course Jeneva was pretty big at 9 months and there was little tiny Grandma...
My eyes were opened to the foundation she laid for me in my faith. I never really talked to Grandma about faith or the Bible or Christianity, but as I think about it....wow. I am privileged enough to have been raised by parents who believe in JESUS. The foundation started with her and Grandpa. They passed it on to my dad who in turn passed it on to his kids. I want to thank her for that. I thank God for that. Of all the ways I could have been raised, I have a family that BELIEVES. Why can a person spend their whole life "knowing" that, but not be completely hit with the reality of it until....now?! I guess it's better to realize it later than not at all.
A hymn that I keep thinking of is "How Firm a Foundation." I don't know if she knew this song or not, but it's reminding me of my heritage right now as I write this:
How firm a foundation ye saints of the Lord
is laid for your faith in His excellent Word
What more can He say than to you He hath said
to you who for refuge to Jesus hath fled?
Fear not, I am with thee; O be not dismayed,
for I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.
When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
the rivers of woe shall not thee overflow
For I will be with thee thy troubles to bless,
and sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
The soul that on Jesus still leans for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
that soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake!
Love you, Grandma. I'm happy you're with Jesus. As Jeneva said today: "I am glad she's in heaven, but I wish she could come back for just a little bit and tell us what Jesus looks like." I wish Jeneva would have been at the service, but we've been talking about her a lot these past couple of days and it's been good.
my favorite picture. happy grandma. happy jude.
all of the first cousins.
1 comment:
Tiffay, thank you for sharing these thoughts. It sounds like you had a God-loving grandma and that your family has a wonderful heritage of faith. Keep all those memories coming, and keep writing them down! It is great to share with the kids so that they can know her through you.
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