today kinda sucked

Today I am feeling super insecure about my parenting.  Am I too strict or not strict enough?  I think I argue with my kids more than I should.  Do I focus too much on relationship and not as much on obedience?  Why is Jeneva so emotional and why do I feel so irritated by it?  Am I ruining her?  Why is Jude such a whiner and so negative?  Why is Josie so darn cute (I won't say that she's been my "favorite" this week or anything).  Do I do too much for my kids rather than letting them figure it out on their own?  Probably.  Are all of my intentions going to backfire when they are older?  Am I doing it all wrong?  Am I doing enough to train them to have a good work ethic?  How am I helping Jeneva to manage herself?  Do I enable her instead?  Are my kids going to love Jesus or falter because of my example?  Why is Steve doing a better job of parenting than me?  Are we on the same page? Do I worry too much?  Not usually, but today I do.

our week and a brief family update

This week we had the opportunity to host a woman from China who came to Minnesota to visit a friend.  She was the Morse's tutor in China.  She was absolutely delightful.  She loved the kids so much and they thoroughly enjoyed her sweet disposition and joyful enjoyment of them.  We had a friend's 4 year old son staying with us during that same week, so it was a full, but fun house.  Her English was limited making it was difficult for us to communicate verbally, but Jeneva did amazing! She interpreted back and forth for us and then they would talk and talk and I of course had no idea what they were saying.  On Saturday night, Ellen (Jeneva's age and very distant cousin:) stayed over.  She also speaks nearly fluent Chinese, so the three of them could communicate just fine.  Love it that my kids can be exposed to hearing other languages spoken in our home on a regular basis--Chinese and Spanish as well.

Right before our guest (dai laoshi) came we had some plumbing issues.  Our main sewer line backed up.  It took three plumber visits to get it fixed because one of the pipes under ground busted.  She couldn't shower and we couldn't flush her first night here (she was gone during the day, so it wasn't too inconvenient for her).  She was so gracious and didn't seem to care one bit.  Then the next day our hot water heater started leaking in the basement onto the carpet.  We knew we needed to take care of it immediately, so Steve called the plumber and got some estimates.  We did not want to pay that kind of money considering we just forked over a whole chuck of cash for our plumbing issues, so he decided to attempt it on his own.  He called his friend, Charles, who he thought might know better what he was doing.  He was available to come over right away. They bought a water heater and installed it in just a few hours.  We were so relieved and grateful to God for helping us get through that situation without any major hangups and to Charles for his help and expertise.

It has been a crazy long winter so far.  It's only January, but we've had oodles of snow, which I love, but also oodles of COLD days.  School has been cancelled 5 days so far in January for extreme cold!  Today was one of those days.  Tomorrow our school just has a late start.  Tonight Josie's prayer request was for summer to come quickly. 

I feel weary.  I don't feel down or depressed, just worn out.  And the "worn out" isn't unbearable (at this point anyway).  It is just go.  Go time.  All of the time.  I love the routine of school.  The kids are having great years, so that helps a ton.  I am liking our church routine too.  Wednesday nights are a helpful break in the week and enjoyable family time--and the food has been incredible too!  I am looking forward to books that I plan to read this year (last year I bombed at reading much).  Novels for book club and also children's books since I joined the Usborne book company.  I'm letting go of my expectations to have a perfectly clean and organized house.  When I let it go, I can enjoy life more.  It's hard to let go, but I have to otherwise I'll go insane.  I'll go insane if it's messy all of the time too though, so it's just a matter of finding a healthy medium. 

I came to the computer to type up a to-do list and I ended up rambling a blog post.  Figured it's been awhile since I've updated. Once again I haven't posted any highlights of the kids birthdays--or any other major or miniscule event for that matter.  Maybe if I put my to-do list on here I'd be more likely to do what I need to do (procrastination is my middle name).  Okay.  I have two things I NEED to accomplish tomorrow.  I need to order labels with my name and website on for my Usborne books.  AND, I need to find out when I can turn in my CEU's to the school district for my teaching license.  So, that's on my "to accomplish" list for tomorrow besides laundry, cooking, driving kids to and from school, and grocery shopping.  Good night. 

how i love those kids of mine

My love for my kids is so deep.  It's so difficult to understand how God can love them and me infinitely more.  He does.  How is that possible?  How can I get so frustrated and annoyed with them that I want to send them all away for a time so that I can have some time to myself.  I know it's not wrong to have time to myself. When I am away from them for any period of time--an hour to run an errand, a couple of hours with friends, an overnight with my husband--I long to be with them again at the end of my time away. I am deeply thankful that I get to be with my children every day. There are days that I resent it and want something different.  Every decision I make is for their well being--what they will eat, who they will play with, how long I will be gone, how they will be educated, what we will do for fun, what our family times will consist of, how we will structure our time, what books we will read together, what activities will they be involved in. That to me is daunting.  Some days I can hardly make decisions.  I don't know what you can have for breakfast.  I can't think.  Figure it out yourself.  Some days I feel like that.  You ask me if you want a piece of gum and I don't know how to answer that.  It is so completely ridiculous.  Making decisions 24 hours a day concerning my children is wearing.  I am tired.  I want to go to sleep.  I want to go on vacation first.  Without them.  Then I can clear my head, make 1 million less decisions, and then miss them like crazy.  I am thankful that I can love and obsess over them as much as I do.  It is a good reminder that I am loved and obsessed over by my heavenly Father.

100 again and again and again...

Imagine blowing your hair dryer at yourself all day long.  That pretty much sums up the weather here.  It has been in the upper 90's or 100 for the past 4 days or so.  I've lost count.  These old Minneapolis school buildings around here are un-airconditioned.  Day 1 of 4th grade down....days 2 and 3 CANCELLED!  Tomorrow was supposed to be Jude's first day of Kindergarten.  He gets to wait until after Labor Day now.  My tears can wait five more days now!

Tonight at dinner we told Jeneva TEN things that we love/appreciate about her.  Among me and Steve's more serious "character quality" and "evidences of grace" compliments was Jude saying "I like how you're so fashionable" and Josie saying "I just really like that you're having a birthday and that you can bike really fast."

birthday and school

Time to dust off the ole' keyboard (again) and type.  Tomorrow Jeneva turns ten AND starts 4th grade.  She's been nervous and excited all day.  She just came up (kids are sleeping in basement where it's cooler) because she couldn't sleep.  We talked about school, nerves, excitement, sitting in the front row, being a "bigger" kid in school, language learning, her backpack, the "squares" she needs for math class and what they might be used for, putting her chocolate pudding in the freezer, and how hot it is outside (100 degrees again). It was an hours worth of conversation packed into ten minutes.  We prayed about tomorrow and the year.  She smiled, gave me a hug and told me I'm the best mom in the whole world.  Not true, but hey, I'll take it.  So, tomorrow morning she'll wake up to egg burritos (her favorite) and donuts (my favorite) that Steve will pick up and a small woman's 21 speed bike that we found on Craigslist. Dinner will be three of her favorites:  salmon, baked potatoes, and potstickers.  Happy Birthday, sweet TEN year old.  I LOVE being your mama!

what jude's been up to

The training wheels came off a couple of weeks ago.  Thanks to his awesome coach: dad!

He is thoroughly enjoying his first year of t-ball. This Luxton Jr. Gopher is very excited to go to practice and games. I can't peel the smile off of his face when he runs the bases.  So cute.

Jude and Sam enjoying some mid-game conversation.  :)

When it's time to stuff and stamp envelopes for our China friends, Jude never gives up.  He's really good at folding and stuffing and putting the address labels on relatively straight.

what jeneva's been up to

Jeneva with her 3rd grade teacher.  Friday was the big Academic Performance day at school.  The kids always work so hard to prepare for this day!  Her English report was on Rosa Parks.  Then in their Chinese classroom, they performed their presentations that they had worked in small groups on.  Her group researched and presented on Ancient Rome.  It is fun to see her excited about and interested in history.  Just three weeks of school left before summer break!  I can hardly believe I have an almost 4th grader!

Photo compliments of Jude!  She stared violin lessons again after about a 9 month hiatus.  I think she has a renewed excitement for it.  She gets to be in Orchestra at school next year so she's getting refreshed for that.  Proud of her!

Random (not very high quality) Pics from my iPod

We Shall Have Spring Again!  Or so we said in January.

The two wee ones

Pretty girls at the Conservatory

Our Tuesday early morning coffee dates with Kari and Sam.  Here the kids are "shooting" people coming into Target. Nice.

Oh my word.  This is one of my favorite pictures!

Pic 1 of some of our small group kids...

Pic two....more of them!  At our monthly family dinner.

Hello!

Painting fun with Megan!

All swaddled up.  My favorite.

Making coffee cake or something of that nature

Sportin' the pink bumbo!

Just a really cool pic I took at a bait shop when we were up north!

Sam and Jude doing what they do best.  Wrestle.

On the ice!

Fun at the Plymouth Field House on a cold winter day.

Third graders unite!  Up north at a cabin with friends in January.

Gramma and Justus!

Never lacking a pose :)

Why don't these goggles fit quite right?

She was sleeping.  For real!

Steve went to Michael's Craft Store and came home with critters to paint!

Helping Ua with his Pinewood Derby car!  He came in 2nd place for creativity!

The best part about this picture is what Josie is doing.....  Hilarious!

Jude K and Josie having a very serious conversation over goldfish.

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Cool Lego City

This lego creation was supposed to be the sculpture gardens.  So cool!

Watching the Pinewood Derby race

Can't quite sit up on his own...

Me and Julia at French Meadow.  We look yellow.

Molly and Megs at French Meadow.  :)

This was what spring break looked like! Just like winter break did!

Jude and Seth.  Time for a sleepover!

Do you think they will sleep?

Free Ikea Lunch with Sam and Sophia

Listening to Your Story Hour for the 57th time while doing homework. 

Most all of the little kiddos from my MOMS table. 

Cousin Leanna came for a visit from Wisconsin

Enjoying some farm art

The kids were joking that this was Grandpa and Champ

Not sure what to say here.....

On a nature walk at Silverwood Park

Buddies gearing up for Kindergarten at the Roundup day.  With Sam and the school directors.

How did Justus get so big all of the sudden?

I love a sleeping baby

Long day!

I want to kiss him

Visiting new baby cousin Milo in the hospital!

Justus.  Looking exactly like Jude.